Build-A-Bear

After hours and hours of hard work, raking leaves, my three girls took their cash and spent a combined total of 80 dollars at Build-A-Bear last week. I know it's their money and they earned it, and the whole point is that they can spend it how they want---but 80 dollars on over-priced doll clothes?!! Oh well. I'm sure my book habbit is just as bizarre to them.

I know I've mentioned this about three times in the last year, but just so everyone knows: Easter is really reading now. She is way into this cute little new chapter book called CLEMENTINE. She gets stuck on some words, but she loves the story and I am blown-away by her progress in reading over the last year and a half.

The official adoption date is set for Monday, November 27th. The pirhana lawyer told me yesterday, when I called him, that there were some things missing from our file. I went off on him. Told him how we'd been trying to get this done for over eight months, that I was so frustrated and angry that he's just now telling me this, and on and on a bit. He called back five minutes later and said he "found" the missing stuff. I'm hoping there aren't any more hitches and that everything can be finished and final and forever on Monday.

Early Bird

I have at least two loyal readers, so I'm motivated to blog even more frequently. We'll see how long this lasts.

I wake up around 6:00 a.m. Can't help it. Don't need to. But I can never get back to sleep. I think it's because of coffee and adrenaline. My coffee drinking somehow makes my sleeping schedule very rigid. And I always start to feel some adrenaline pumping through my brain cells after I barely wake up and start mapping out my teaching for the day and start looking forward to working.

I have this very super favorite student right now, a fifth grader named Jessie. He loves math, is pretty good at reading, and is also an amazing athlete. He was the only fourth grader on my little basketball team last year. He also lives in the Road Home shelter, has gang affiliated uncles and proclivities, and is a natural born leader. He's been labeled by our super incompetent, tyrant administrator as "bad". So I've become his number one advocate lately. He's a kid with some problems, but he has so much potential and a really sweet side, and I sometimes feel so angry when we're willing to dismiss kids as hopeless when they're only 10. I made him my assistant in the after school reading program and so he's not getting in trouble after school anymore. He relishes meaningful responsibilities and he's also the editor-in-chief of our classroom newspaper. I keep on getting worried that he's going to move and will miss him a lot when he does.

Later--Not two hours after writing that loving description I was informed that Jessie's family got kicked out of the homeless shelter. He wasn't at school and my heart was falling to pieces, but then it turns out they can move back to the shelter tomorrow (??) and he even showed up to school around 11:00 today--with his homework. What some people, even children, survive everyday, is unimaginable to me. That kid is truly one of my heroes.

Guilt, Passion, and a Meme

Okay--here's a couple things I've come to own recently: I take my teaching profession so serious and I am so passionate about it that I occasionally wonder if it deters from more important responsibilities, like parenting. Take the recent Halloween fiasco, for example. By the end of the day of October 31st, 2006, I was so drained and exhausted from both planning loads of extravagant fun for my class and from fighting futiley against a capricious tyrant on behalf of a couple kids, that I pretty much sank into my bed at 7:30 and skipped out on trick-or-treating with my girls. But here's the thing: Robert is totally not into Halloween, he's even vaguely against the holiday, and I don't see how I can expect myself to work full time, and then come home and have the energy to recreate my own childhood, all by myself, for these children of ours, which isn't even what they necessarily need or even want.

So--I'm just going to lose the guilt already. I love my kids at school, I'm super passionate about teaching well and so I'm going to stop apologizing to myself all the time for my many shortcomings-- for my lack of motherliness and my lack of time and my lack of dedication to my family. I'm doing the best I can for all the kids that I love, my girls included. It's okay to work hard at work and relax more when it comes to my own kids. I make sure they're reading, I check their homework, I cook their dinner (usually), and I try to make sure they feel safe and loved, and that's enough--good enough. No more guilt.

And now for the meme:

What part of the past would you bring back if you possibly could?

The few years I had in college when I took classes because they sounded interesting and was still extremely idealistic and optimistic about the majority of life's problems and possibilities.

What character trait would you alter if you could?

I wish I wasn't so shy. I'm not really shy with kids, even ones I just met, but I'm painfully shy with all adults, even ones I know.

Which skill would you like to have the time and energy to really work on?

I wish I had time to learn how to draw and paint, and I also wish I had time and energy to devote to learning more about photography--in the artistic sense.

Are you money poor, love poor, time poor or freedom poor?

Money poor--but only relative to people of my same age and social class.

What element of your partner's character would you alter if you could?

OCD--I'd eliminate his need to have everything EXTREMELY organized and ordered.

What three things are you going to do next year that you've been meaning to do for ages but never got around to?

Next year? Hmmm, I'm going to compile an annotated list of great picture books, take the girls hiking once, and fix all the sprinklers in our yard.

If your fairy godmother gave you three wishes, what would you wish for?

A small class (22 or less) every year for the rest of my teaching life.

A long list of books recommendations that I will love.

That Kevin and Lisa could live on a planet inside Utah, that's not Utah, but would be only a ten minute drive or less from my house.

What one thing would you change about your living conditions?

I'd xeriscape the backyard and have a well sheltered hot tub built back there.

How could the quality of your free time be improved?

If I had some more friends, especially outside-of-work friends.

What change have you made to your life recently that you'’re most proud of?

I'm putting into actual practice almost every single damn thing I know about teaching well, which is a feat that I don't think many people in the world would really appreciate. But I don't do if for appreciation or recognition--I do it for my students--but I'm still proud of it.

Parent Conferences

It doesn't matter how many years I've been doing this or how I know, logically, that the same thing happens every year, but here's how it always goes: I get worried, worried sick, almost, about meeting with all my students' parents. No matter how prepared I am for the conferences, or how hard I've been working with the students, I always get all these gut twisting fears. I worry the parents will ask me questions that imply I'm not doing enough, or that they'll express extreme dissatisfaction with their child's experience in my classroom. I start worrying at least a week before, and then worry almost nonstop for a week stright.

And then the conferences will actually happen and they'll be wonderful. I'll enjoy meeting the parents, delight in celebrating the students, and skillfully coach the students through a goal setting process. I'll end up feeling a sense of gratitude from the parents, and a renewed determination to help them all reach their fullest potential. All in all it's always a positive experience. But---that doesn't change one bit the extreme anxiety I get the next time they come around.

Tomrrow and Tuesday are our fall conferences, so I'm in the anxious phase right now. I'll be glad when they're over.

My Girls' First Mom

Easter is the one who coined the lovely name for Florence, Robert's sister, my daughters' other mother: Our First Mom. I had sometimes called her their "real mom" and she is always referred to by her parents as "the Late." "Our first mom" is such a better name. It hasn't been easy, knowing how to honor her memory, how to speak with them about her death, and how to come to terms--myself---with the very confusing feelings of gratitude and anger I sometimes feel. Gratitude for the gift of these children, but of course anger at the world we live and the choices that people made that caused a mother to die and these children to suffer so unnecessarily. But if not for this tragedy, I would not have my precious little family. Robert is still unable to speak much about his sister. There is a very deep sadness there that I suspect may be coupled with crippling guilt--that he wasn't able to do anything to help in time.

One wonderful way of honoring, loving, and remebering developed quite accidentally over the last few months. I loved The Lion King broadway production that I saw with mom and grandma in NYC. There is a powerful broadway-esque song that isn't in the Disney movie called "He Lives in You". In the play it seemed to strongly signify black Christian spiritualism in the US and the "HE" seemed to reference god more than Mufasa. It's got a very gospel feel, but also African drumming and rhythms. I downloaded the song when I got home and it has become Easter's "favorite song", as in "play my favorite song, please," everyday in the car. A few weeks ago I told her about seeing the play and how spectacular it was and about how the song fits in the plot she knows from the Disney movie. I told her we should change the "He" to "She" because little Simba's story is just like her story--so that she could remeber her first mom. So driving home from the library today, a few weeks later, I hear her singing along in her sweet, sincere, soft singing voice:"She lives in me, She watches over, In your reflection, she lives in you. She lives in me."

Cousin Love

Our girls are so lovely and so into each other, you know? Jim lost at poker night last night. I won, but not as much as David. Mom lost. Like Tina always says, if you don't count up your money at the end how are you going to know who the winners are and who the losers are. Tina also came out ahead, but not as much as me. I think.

I'm loving my class, still, but looking forward to a long break starting October 11th--I'm going on a five day road trip to California with mom, Lydia, and Tina. Tinas has big plans for us to win money at Texas Hold Em in Reno. I'll have to make a plan about that before leaving. Like a limit or something.

Raising Readers

My three daughters have all crossed a bridge in the last month or so---I think I can confidently use the adjective "reader" to describe each of them. They have unique reading interests, they read regularly and for pleasure, and they think of themselves as readers! Even E. And this development is, of course, the best gift the universe has handed me recently. Although our reading interests don't yet overlap too much, I am absolutely delighted to see them taking their first real steps into the biblio-sphere.

Weekend Adventures

The Raven Symone concert at the Utah State Fairpark was a smash with the five Sudanese children I chaperoned to the event. I took my three girls plus Ajo and Nancy, a first grade boy and his eighth grade sister. We also ate some delicious State fair cuisine and each got to choose one ride to ride, so our annual fair excursion can be checked off my list of seasonsal must-dos. I must say, and I know this is tOtALLy how she (with Disney's help) sells herself--but that Raven is certainly a wholesome, excellent role model, as well as a totally hip super star. I hadn't even realized she was that one itty-bitty COSBY darling--the adorable little niece in the last few seasons. I am not really looking forward to the transition my girls will make away from the likes of Raven one day.

Yesterday morning I was on 9th South and State street, buying hair for extensions, and I locked my keys in the car. My only spare was in the house. I managed to make the whole round trip, to get the key and get back to my car, via tracks and buses, in under two hours, for only $1.50. It was good to remember all the advantages of public transportation--sure, it takes longer to get from place to place, but you're in contact with the world and with people in a million more ways than from inside the thick bubble of a compact car. I can tell you the subtle shifts in the weather yesterday, I can describe the sounds of downtown on a Saturday, and I got in some superb people watching--there was this goth teenage boy, complete with a black trench coat, badly dyed hair, and a naked pink mouse that he kept feeding and petting. If I ever get a tad more serious about my writing career I think I ought to spend more time on public transit.

Which brings us now to Sunday morning and the joys of writing reading journal letters to each of my lovely students. My very favorite line so far is from a favorite student of mine, who is such an odd little fifth grade princess: "I have been reading Captain Underpants for a very, very long time. I don't know if I'm ready to start changing, or not. If I am, I'll start reading W.I.T.C.H." Such an amazing ability to self-reflect, and it's so true--her teetering on the decision of whether or not to move away from her beloved Captain Underpants obsession.

Labor

We always teach kids about Holidays--like Columbus day, and Veteran's Day, but I never remember learning much about Labor Day. And I've never taught any students anything about it. This only occurred to me becuase there was some great music on NPR's American Roots this morning, all around the theme of LABOR. Working folks. I know there's something about how it was supposed to be May 1st, but I don't know the history.

Traditional breakfast food is my favorite cuisine: waffles, pancakes, crepes, eggs, sausage, bacon, orange juice. I'm setting a goal to learn how to cook some more delicious breakfast foods: good-enough-to eat-for-dinner breakfast foods.

My class is adorable. Likely its only in contrast to the sixth graders we finally set free last spring, but these babies feel so young and innocent and not even close to adolescents. We enjoy at least one picture book together each day and so far they are super happy to do any ammount of work I ask of them. We have a mini-classroom economy going on this year, and I can't believe how good it's been so far for building a sense of classroom identity and ownership. Thank goodness for the computers--that allow for online banking--so the whole classroom money system can be 100 percent managed electronically.

My girls all seem to be happy in school this year. I'm especially glad I went with North Star for Oba. She seems to have a good enough teacher and some friends. She just met her reading buddy.

Summer Ends

My infant niece Lydia has unexpectedly pricked a maternal spot in my psyche. Blessed baby. Blessed baby. Delicate ears, probing eyes, quiet mouth.

My summer vaction will officially end Wednesday morning at 8:00 a.m. We have a Welcome Back/ Look at Our Awful Test Scores / Chart the Course for the Future meeting to which I plan to take half a dozen math problems, to fill the two-thirds of my brain space that gets manic in such meetings.

The best thing I discovered this summer was an efficient way to use kid lit blogs, the SLC library online catalog, and a weekly visit to the Day Riverside branch, to keep myself and my three kiddies equipped with plenty of fresh, interesting reading material. I hope this habbit doesn't fade with my amped up schedule, as full days of teaching shortly resume.

Regular Posting

I heard blogs were already on the way out--but I don't really believe it. I think they're probably just settling into a niche. I don't know if anyone reads my life chronicles here, but I've decided it's nice for readers if I post more regularly. So here's my commitment: one new posting a week will be my minimum. If I do have a readership, they can predictably count on fresh material once per week.

Summer hasn't been quite the intense reading fest that I envisioned back at the beginning of June. I've been very consistent about reading about an hour each day with Easter, but I haven't been as consistent about requiring reading time with Aninga and Oba. They're way into comic books, though, which is ironic if you know me. I have always encouraged my students to read comic books, and have told many of my students' parents that any and all types of reading are good for improving reading skills. But now that it's my own kids, I wish they had wider reading interests. They both read and enjoyed Charlotte's Web at the first of the summer, but I didn't follow up with another assigned book. I was thinking of having them read Number the Stars as a final book for the summer, and we'd be learning a bit of history in the process. I'm also trying to find a new fantasy book or series, one that I haven't read and can really get into, that I can read out loud to all three of them. Suggestions?

As I've started thinking about school starting in three weeks, and as I've been surfing around the web for new books, science experiements, and math ideas, I've come to realize again, how much I love my job. It's really a great fit for someone with the wide range of academic strengths and interests that I possess. And of course there's the delightful dimension of buidling relationships with young folks.

I was in New York City for three days in July. It was a nice vacation, but man I really do love SLC. I love the mountains, the dry air, and the pace of the city. Traveling, particularly to big cities, is not one of my favorite things.

World Cup

The team I picked more than a month ago was finally eliminated today--Ecuador couldn't score a single shot against England. Oh well. They made quite a run and did much better than expected.

I completely adore the Impossible Team Adidas ad campaign with the two Latino boys playing in an empty lot. I'm hardly ever such a sucker for advertising campaings, but I might even go buy some Adidas now.

I'm working at two easy goals for the rest of the summer. Walk or do some sort of exercise for thirty minutes each day and read with Easter every day. Tis easy enough to write goals down, but much harder to follow through.

Adios.

Reading

Easter is now reading chapter books. Just kidding. Just a little joke. She can almost read chapter books.

Today Easter went to her friend Blanca's house. She had fun. She wants to ride the yellow bus every day now. No. She will not be allowed to ride that bus again, for a few weeks, at least.

Easter is going to Fargo and Canada and Disneyland and Kampala. She only needs some money.

Shakespeare

The sixth grade students had their final performance of Macbeth last night. The whole production was magnificent. Both casts were spectacular. It was so draining and stressful to be as deeply involved as I was this year. But also quite rewarding--to see those darlings shine so bright.

Here they are. Super darling, super stars. Good work everyone, including Jen and Mark and me and of course the kids!

We did It!

They are here. My beautiful bambinas have arrived. They are so wonderful and smart and good. I am still in a euphoric sort of love daze. It's a drunkish sort of love mixed with pure gratitude. Duncan has become the family mascot and evereyone is getting along swell. Robert has them with him right now at Sudanese church and will keep them with him later in the evening, while I'm at my parents' for family poker night.

Some observations that fit right in with my recently formed theories on the universal nature of our homo-sapien species:

1. They are typical sibilings--they compare gifts, bicker, and compete with each other.
2. I feel a devotion and visceral defensiveness on their behalf that must be based on the year I've spent preparing for "my children" to arrive.
3. It feels like the ropes that hold my marriage together have suddenly been shot through with pure steel. We have been made stronger and brought closer.

Ahhhh--relief. I pray thank-you many times each day.

Hell Ya

Watched the women's final Wimbledon match yesterday morning. Was it ever close. Every single day there's more bad news from Robert in Kampala. There are so many legal hurdles. It's tempting to let my hope burn out already, and start preparing myself for severe disappointment, but yesterday I convinced myself if Venus could pull it off, so can we--we'll find a way to bring our girls home.

praying for a series of fortunate events

I am praying for a series of about six little miracles in the next five weeks. I am clinging to a thread of faith that regardless of how everything happens, our beautiful little family will arrive in Salt Lake City on July 9th, 2005. And, I must admit, that slender thread of faith also acknowledges the possibility that things won't work out, and prays I will be strong enough to handle it.

Miracle One: That Robert's passport and visa to enter Uganda will arrive here before next Saturday, so that he can leave next Sunday.

Miracle Two: That the traveling documents, which are like passports for refugees, will be granted to our three girls before Robert arrives in Kenya.

Miracle Three: That on June 10th the judge in Kampala will award Robert guardianship.

That's enough miracles to pray for, for now.

slow cooking delicious pork

Perhaps it's partially because I bought a new cookbook, bought all the ingredients, and spent some serious time cooking, but I think this recipe I tried today was absolutely incredible. It was an asian pork dish that I made in the slow cooker and served over rice. It had garlic, ginger, hoisen sauce, carrots, broccli, cinnamon, clove, and soy sauce. It smelled yummy and tasted even better. I want to make a page linked to the family site that has favorite recipes and quick meal ideas. My new recipe book is for healthy, slow-cooked meals. I love the crock pot.

Robert has been sick for almost a week. He came home early from the Marriot Library today and slept for several hours. I hope he starts feeling better soon.

longweekend soon?

I know teachers are spoiled and get plenty of days off, but I am in desperate need of another long weekend. Spring Break wasn't even that long ago, it's just that with the sunny weather and all the stress these days---I could really use an extra day to recover.

Only about six more weeks of school. I'm getting better at letting go of all the kids at the end of the year. It's becoming part of the whole teaching cycle---new ideas and new kids in fall, hard work all year, and then a spring harvest of students that have grown and finally letting them fly away. The teaching cycle doesn't fit with any other seasonal cycles---but adding those biological analogies helps me see how it's okay for them to move on.

spring cleaning sunday

Well--the sliding glass door drama is finally over, I think. Robert put up some flippy white plastic blinds behind my shimmery gold curtains so that it can be very dark and feel very private. He also took off all the metal rings at the top of the gold curtains. They still look fine. So---he's happy, I'm happy, and we have a nice enough window covering. I'm just glad the whole thing is finished.

The grass is coming in the back yard nice and full, the willow tree already has thousands of little green leaves and the birch tree has buds. We need to mow the front lawn, but we have spent the day cleaning inside, instead.