Guilt, Passion, and a Meme

Okay--here's a couple things I've come to own recently: I take my teaching profession so serious and I am so passionate about it that I occasionally wonder if it deters from more important responsibilities, like parenting. Take the recent Halloween fiasco, for example. By the end of the day of October 31st, 2006, I was so drained and exhausted from both planning loads of extravagant fun for my class and from fighting futiley against a capricious tyrant on behalf of a couple kids, that I pretty much sank into my bed at 7:30 and skipped out on trick-or-treating with my girls. But here's the thing: Robert is totally not into Halloween, he's even vaguely against the holiday, and I don't see how I can expect myself to work full time, and then come home and have the energy to recreate my own childhood, all by myself, for these children of ours, which isn't even what they necessarily need or even want.

So--I'm just going to lose the guilt already. I love my kids at school, I'm super passionate about teaching well and so I'm going to stop apologizing to myself all the time for my many shortcomings-- for my lack of motherliness and my lack of time and my lack of dedication to my family. I'm doing the best I can for all the kids that I love, my girls included. It's okay to work hard at work and relax more when it comes to my own kids. I make sure they're reading, I check their homework, I cook their dinner (usually), and I try to make sure they feel safe and loved, and that's enough--good enough. No more guilt.

And now for the meme:

What part of the past would you bring back if you possibly could?

The few years I had in college when I took classes because they sounded interesting and was still extremely idealistic and optimistic about the majority of life's problems and possibilities.

What character trait would you alter if you could?

I wish I wasn't so shy. I'm not really shy with kids, even ones I just met, but I'm painfully shy with all adults, even ones I know.

Which skill would you like to have the time and energy to really work on?

I wish I had time to learn how to draw and paint, and I also wish I had time and energy to devote to learning more about photography--in the artistic sense.

Are you money poor, love poor, time poor or freedom poor?

Money poor--but only relative to people of my same age and social class.

What element of your partner's character would you alter if you could?

OCD--I'd eliminate his need to have everything EXTREMELY organized and ordered.

What three things are you going to do next year that you've been meaning to do for ages but never got around to?

Next year? Hmmm, I'm going to compile an annotated list of great picture books, take the girls hiking once, and fix all the sprinklers in our yard.

If your fairy godmother gave you three wishes, what would you wish for?

A small class (22 or less) every year for the rest of my teaching life.

A long list of books recommendations that I will love.

That Kevin and Lisa could live on a planet inside Utah, that's not Utah, but would be only a ten minute drive or less from my house.

What one thing would you change about your living conditions?

I'd xeriscape the backyard and have a well sheltered hot tub built back there.

How could the quality of your free time be improved?

If I had some more friends, especially outside-of-work friends.

What change have you made to your life recently that you'’re most proud of?

I'm putting into actual practice almost every single damn thing I know about teaching well, which is a feat that I don't think many people in the world would really appreciate. But I don't do if for appreciation or recognition--I do it for my students--but I'm still proud of it.