saturday Morning is green

There's this poetry book that gives all the days of the week particular colors. I think Sat. moring feels green, but just this very second i looked out the window and was delightfully surprised to see sugar shaking powerdery snow dusting my grass and continuing to shake out of the sky. I still feel green, which is a lively, happy color for me, though, because I'm inside my warm house with my sweet dog, writing, writing, writing.

Duncan is a sweet guy, but has recently taken to chewing up the remote control. I've finally figured out an effective response to that behavior by taking kitchen towels and whipping them, very hard, on the counter top and couch. This scares him so bad that he has started treating me more like the alpha bitch that I am. I never hit him, but he does this submissive walk and pose as if I do. He can be such a wimp for such a huge guy.

All my emotions about the adoption process feel pushed out of my mind. I'm too busy with school and my masters class to think about it very often. Plus---it's not really possible to sustain such emotional intensity for a long period of time. Excitement and fear can't be a normal state of emotional being. However---I've been comforted by some strong signals that my feelings are still pretty raw, as i think they ought to be, albeit somewhat subdued. Twice recently, once while watching Step Mom and once while watching Sam I Am, I turned into a big fat cry baby, which I rarely do during movies and certainly didn't do the first time i watched these two films. The themes of dieing and separated parents, and just parenting and child love in general pricked those raw emotions and it was very cathartic to cry and cry. I hope my girls come soon.