An Ipod Christmas

My three girls are luv-luv-loving their ipods. I am glad David convinced me to allow them. I had a nice Christmas---overall. I had a perfect last day of school Friday, including watching Akeelah and the Bee with my students and sending them each home with wonderful portraits and poems to give to their parents. I couldn't ask for a better mix of kids. Mom and I reached a fragile understanding about roles, intentions, and commitments---the process of reaching this understanding helped me work through some of my own fears regarding my family and my shortcomings. I have stacks and stacks of books to read and ideas to explore.

There are between 70-100 million AK47s in the world and they have been at the center of most armed conflicts of the last fifty years.

Only a few hours until Lisa arrives. Yeah.

Starfish

I admitted to Stephen that I have been having "moments of spirituality" lately. That was probably a mistake, cuz if anything, these moments have been quite fleeting and quite private, and I am in no position to describe the moon.

Several of these moments, though, have been related to work and there is an essay by Loren Eisley that captures the passion and love I've been feeling lately. Here's the short essay:

A Single Starfish

One day an old man was walking along the beach. It was low tide, and the sand was littered with thousands of stranded starfish that the water had carried in and then left behind. The man began walking very carefully so as not to step on any of the beautiful creatures. Since the animals still seemed to be alive, he considered picking some of them up and putting them back in the water, where they could resume their lives.

The man knew the starfish would die if left on the beach's dry sand but he reasoned that he could not possibly help them all, so he chose to do nothing and continued walking.

Soon afterward, the man came upon a small child on the beach who was frantically throwing one starfish after another back into the sea. The old man stopped and asked the child, "What are you doing?"

"I'm saving the starfish," the child replied.

"Why waste your time?... There are so many you can't save them all so what does is matter?" argued the man.

Without hesitation, the child picked up another starfish and tossed the starfish back into the water... "It matters to this one," the child explained.

I don’t think of this story and then compare it to my life in the obvious way by pretending that each student is one starfish. I don’t think my teaching work “saves” any of them like that. But I often think about each day as a starfish. I can’t possibly effect a drastic enough change to get this little person all the way back to the sea—but I can make a difference today. I can ensure that they are well taught, well disciplined, and well loved today. Which is no easy task, when you remember that there are twenty-two students in my care. And despite the daunting task of changing a life, or the daunting task of throwing back every starfish, I believe this day counts. This one day, and every single day, for all twenty-two of these children, really counts. And maybe, maybe, maybe, there’s a chance that some of these baby starfish are learning to crawl and maybe some of them are absorbing enough love to crawl to the sea on their own one day.

Anticipating Christmas

Robert is flying to Fargo on Saturday, December 23rd and returning on December 28th. I'm not sure what we'll do for Christmas Eve or Christmas day. It's going to feel weird with just me and the girls here. I've got some of their presents already, but need to get a couple more things. At least they're easy to shop for.

The guy I described in my last post, the Homeless Liason guy, met with Jessie on Thursday morning, to get ready for the meeting we had yesterday (Friday) morning with Joann, his mom, and the bus driver that suspended him. We have this thing in my class where we listen for our vocabulary words and when Jessie got back to class he let me know that Mike had said "incredible" two times and "capable" once. So the big meeting was okay---this capable, courageous, incredible child tells the truth and apologizes for everything---including one thing nobody (except me) even knew he was involved in. Joann was nice enough and the whole thing only lasted about 1/2 an hour. I'm sure Mike has no idea how critical his prescense was to the positive tone that Joann maintained. I still question all her decisions in the whole situation: he shouldn't have been suspended from the bus in the first place, he absolutley should never have been suspended from our after school program, and I don't think she has any idea how much Mike and I did to make sure this meeting happened and that our policy regarding the YMCA and after school program be officially revised. I guess, in looking back, maybe he should have been suspended from the bus. I think he ended up learning a valuable lesson. But there is the whole "with love" part of discipline that is so missing from Joann's approach---but I think between his momma, me, and Mike, there was enough love to make the consequence about learning and "we know you can make better choices" and not about "you're a terrible kid."

We picked out the classrooms we're going to move into in the new building. If we really get the rooms we picked, they are the best rooms in the whole building. It's going to be a fun February this year. We're going to have Valentine's Day, move out of Lowell, have President's Day, and come back to our new building, all within one week.

An Ally

There is an administrator level position in our district called the "Homeless Liaison". The person who holds this position now is an excellent advocate for children and his little closet office is a hop, skip, and jump down the hall from my classroom. He's much better than the last person that had the position and I've been very friendly to him all year. Well----he has become involved now in the whole situation with my student Jessie and I am so happy to report that things are looking up. He already made sure that Jessie can ride the bus again. I told him a little bit about my concerns with the YMCA evening program and how it is so tightly bound up with our after school program and he went off on this speech that fully voiced all my feelings---and just hearing him so strongly advocating for this child almost made me cry. Someone else cares about these kids, someone with some power. He'll probably even be at the meeting that Jessie's mom is required to have with Joann soon.

There are a couple of really hard parts about leaving Washington that I've been remembering: my baby plan, including having a strong student teacher take my class the last couple of months and having West High and Clara and daycare all so close, well that can't be the same anywhere else. Mr. Brown stayed at Washington through all sorts of Voldemort hell just cuz of his kid at West. There's also the new school---which I personally helped to design. My handprint is on that multi-million dollar building and I'd love to be there for a while. Not that I've forgotten why it's important to transfer---it's just that there really are these other considerations.

Happy Birthday Harriet

Harriet took a Mexican milk cake to her class today and seems to have had a very fun day. She had a friend here after school and she invited three friends to her birthday dinner tomorrow. Mom, Dad, Tina, David, and Lydie will also be here tomorrow evening. I've just got to figure out what soup to cook. Maybe chili from scratch.

Jessie made it to school two days in a row, without the services of the transporation department of the district. He gets a lot of credit for that feat. I'm sure he would have been allowed to stay home if he wanted to.

Anyway, I'm still sticking by that decision I made over this.

Promise

This will be my last year working under my current boss. That's a promise. If by some wonderful miracle she retires, or moves to another school, that means I'll still teach at Washington. If, however, she stays, I'm leavin'. And I know some people might doubt me because I waffled all over this same decision last spring and ended up staying at Washington. But this time it's different and here's why: 1) I let go of my most favorite, most adorable, most fun group of students last year, when they all moved onto middle school. And it was okay. And then this year I fell helplessly and passionately in love with all 22 kids that are in my class. I really wasn't sure this would happen, but of course it did. And I'm sure it will happen again and again. That's teaching. That's life. 2) I've learned that there is no good coping strategy. Last year we tried to problem solve and communicate. Didn't work. This year I tried to stay far under the radar, avoid the office at all costs, keep my head down and my door closed, and just do my very best teaching work by my own 22 darlins---but this strategy is not working either. I need to work under someone whose judgment I trust and for whom I feel respect. Period. 3) It's not just about how she doesn't see and refuses to deal with poor teaching in our building. I got to the point this year where I could just ignore all that. But she was malicious to two different families this week, unreasonably cruel to two different children; and so I'm finished. I won't work at a school where she's the boss. And 4) I feel very relieved and at peace and sure about the choice. Last year I'd decide and then hate the decision and change my mind and never feel settled. That isn't how I feel now. I feel calm and sure and excited for a new adventure. If only, if only, if only Jen and I could land somewhere together.

In case you're wondering: the catalyst for this decision was in a situation involving this student of mind named Jessie. She visited the shelter where he lives, saw how his mom was hanging out and flirting with some guys, not working while we were "dealing with her kids" and decided she wanted to "teach her a lesson." So Jessie isn't suspended from school, but he can't ride the bus for five days and his mom is required to meet with the district transportation department before he can ever ride the bus again. I'm not sure when I'll see him again. And don't forget: the eight hours (including an hour after school) that this child is in my care he is being well disciplined, well taught, and well cared for. Who knows what's going to happen to him now. I'm devastated, of course. It's frustrating and infuriating.

The Adoption is Finalized, finally, and another Book Meme

Our adoption finalization was Monday. The judge signed everything. It's 100 percent official and finished--these three lovely girls are ours, MINE--forever. What I didn't really understand until this week, though, was that this very formal, legal change matters to my HEART! Who knew? To borrow (and twist) a metaphor from a favorite book character of mine named Everett, it's like my heart is the egg, the egg in those beautiful and very scientific sex-ed videos, and the finalization of this adoption is like the sperm that penetrated the egg. So after the one lucky sperm gets through the membrane of that egg, the cell wall of the egg is transformed. It is hardened and no more sperms can get through. So, for me, the opposite has occurred--my heart hasn't been hardened, but instead this single event has peeled my hard, protective shell away. The possibility that they might one day be taken away has been eliminated---hence a softening, an opening, and an exploding of the walls surrounding my sensitive middle. This love for my daughters, that I didn't even realize could grow deeper and stronger, has, in fact grown deeper and stronger---and, yes, also, harder, more solid, more bullet proof and more permanent. But also more expansive and more encompassing. Who knew that a silly piece of paper could spark such wierd, but real changes in my most breakable of organs??? Well enough, already, of this romantic blah blah blah. But wow, really--Wow!

And now a book meme:
1. How old were you when you learned to read and who taught you?

This is a favorite story of mine. One of those stories that shapes my identity. My mom taught me to read, on her lap, reading out loud to me, well before kindergarten. I don't have any memories of this process. I have been a reader as far back as I am able to remember.

2. Did you own any books as a child? If so, what's the first one that you remember owning? If not, do you recall any of the first titles that you borrowed from the library?

There were plenty of books that I owned, or that we owned, when I was a child. I remember the Childcraft encyclopedia books, I remember The Wheedle on the Needle and other books in the Serendipity series. I remember Lisa's Dr. Suess book called All About Me. I remember these dungeon and dragon role playing books that I adored in about fifth grade. I have many savory book memories.

3. Were you a re-reader as a child? If so, which book did you re-read most often?

No, I wasn't a big re-reader as a child, and I'm not as an adult. There are a few books that I've enjoyed re-reading. I've read The Brothers K about six times in the last 12 years. But, in general, I consume, comprehend, and thoroughly digest books the first time through.

4. What'’s the first adult book that captured your interest and how old were you when you read it?

The Hobbit. I'm not sure I really understood the whole book but I read most of it when I was in fourth grade and loved the parts that I was able to understand.


5. Are there children's books that you passed by as a child that you have learned to love as an adult? Which ones?

Nope--I'm a stubborn reader. I didn't like Island of the Blue Dolphins as a child and I've never given it a second chance.

6. What's the first book that you bought with your own money?

I loved the Nancy Drew series and remember spending many hard-earned babysitting dollars on those books when I was 11 or so. Books have always been one of my most costly addictions. I have made a shift, in the last year or so, though, away from excessive book buying, toward maximizing all the multiple potentials of the city libraries. I still buy too many books, primarily for my classroom, but my book addiction has been often met, recently, by library book browsing, reserving, and reading.