Promise

This will be my last year working under my current boss. That's a promise. If by some wonderful miracle she retires, or moves to another school, that means I'll still teach at Washington. If, however, she stays, I'm leavin'. And I know some people might doubt me because I waffled all over this same decision last spring and ended up staying at Washington. But this time it's different and here's why: 1) I let go of my most favorite, most adorable, most fun group of students last year, when they all moved onto middle school. And it was okay. And then this year I fell helplessly and passionately in love with all 22 kids that are in my class. I really wasn't sure this would happen, but of course it did. And I'm sure it will happen again and again. That's teaching. That's life. 2) I've learned that there is no good coping strategy. Last year we tried to problem solve and communicate. Didn't work. This year I tried to stay far under the radar, avoid the office at all costs, keep my head down and my door closed, and just do my very best teaching work by my own 22 darlins---but this strategy is not working either. I need to work under someone whose judgment I trust and for whom I feel respect. Period. 3) It's not just about how she doesn't see and refuses to deal with poor teaching in our building. I got to the point this year where I could just ignore all that. But she was malicious to two different families this week, unreasonably cruel to two different children; and so I'm finished. I won't work at a school where she's the boss. And 4) I feel very relieved and at peace and sure about the choice. Last year I'd decide and then hate the decision and change my mind and never feel settled. That isn't how I feel now. I feel calm and sure and excited for a new adventure. If only, if only, if only Jen and I could land somewhere together.

In case you're wondering: the catalyst for this decision was in a situation involving this student of mind named Jessie. She visited the shelter where he lives, saw how his mom was hanging out and flirting with some guys, not working while we were "dealing with her kids" and decided she wanted to "teach her a lesson." So Jessie isn't suspended from school, but he can't ride the bus for five days and his mom is required to meet with the district transportation department before he can ever ride the bus again. I'm not sure when I'll see him again. And don't forget: the eight hours (including an hour after school) that this child is in my care he is being well disciplined, well taught, and well cared for. Who knows what's going to happen to him now. I'm devastated, of course. It's frustrating and infuriating.