tween day

today is the day between my anniversary and christmas. the favorite part of christmas was singing happy birthday to jesus at midnight with candles and having pita asleep in my lap. The word tween is from Flash. It's an effect you add between two keyframes. I'm learning all about Flash from my best present ever, from David, which is a manual that's teaching me all about Flash through hands on examples. I have these big hopes now, as far as finding lucrative part time work in web design.

lisa's almsot here

So tonight of all nights mom wants to come out and help me decorate my tree. I hope we're not going to get catty about where Lisa sleeps tonight, or where she stays for two weeks. Of course the maternal instincts would make mom want to go with me to pick her up and as much as I want her to stay with me, it's all good, she can stay where ever she's most comfortable.

Duncan's first real show is January 8th and 9th. He's going to have to go up against his brother and two other male dogs I know named Rayce and Nakota. I hope he does okay. He's such a swet heart.

There was this really awkward and funny misunderstanding at school today. A fellow teacher, Heather, who is new this year, told me she met her "girlfriend" for lunch today. She said how her girlfriend will be taking the legal bar exam soon. Like the quick thinking person that I am, I immediately thought to myself very cool, a self-confident lesbian. So, I asked lots of friendly questions about her "girlfriend." Does she intend to practice law in Utah? What sort of law did she specialize in? etc. etc. Heather said that she (the girlfriend) might move to DC and I said, oh, that will be hard. And then Heather said that it will all work out becasue her friend's husband is supportive and will go with her back East. I think she all the sudden figured out what I was assuming and felt pretty embarassed. But I didn't embarass her further by acknowledging the misunderstanding. We just got busy planning how my big kids can become effective reading tutors for her little kids.

my first Christmas Tree ever

Jim came out this morning and took me to a tree lot on 30th South and 7th East, where I bought my first very own Christmas Tree, ever. It is beautiful and fragrant. I'm glad I resisted my urge to invest in a nice fake tree. I love real trees. One of my students who is Dine (Navajo) said that her mom doesn't like to have a tree in the house---which makes sense in a sort of native american, love the earth, and don't kill living things sort of way. But I also think it's okay to support the tree farmers from Montana and to enjoy a beautiful evergreen in the house for one month. Christmas trees feel like a very pagan tradition, although maybe true pagans would also object to killing the tree for such selfish human desires.

Lisa will be here for the winter solstice, which is totally a pagan holiday. We ought to plan some sort of celebration, maybe with real egg nog.

Duncan's head is resting heavily on my left foot. The rice cooker just flipped off so I'm going to have some African style beef stew over rice.

My "special bus" student had his last day with my class, yesterday. What a relief it is to know he's gone. I feel like two weeks is the perfect amount of time that I need away from work, and I predict that when school resumes I'll be able to push myself to teach well and push those kids to read and learn, all the way until May.

mediciney shampoo

I finally quit dawdling and dug into my paper at about noon today. I finished all of my editing and revising around 4:00. I decided not to revamp the whole paper---there was plenty that was worth keeping, and I had absolutely no motivation to start back at square one. I tried to at least address all of my professor's concerns and comments. To release the tension built up in my body when I was finished I gave Duncan his first bath in eight weeks. Now he smells like medicney shampoo, which is a nicer smell than dirty dog. I feel like I can finally start enjoying the holiday season.

Freezing Friday

My sweet angel Robert is all bundled up in a quilt, sleeping on the couch. He asked me why it was so cold in the family room, compared to the kitchen. I think its because heat rises. He finally agreed he could try dressing a little warmer for winter, but he still refuses to wear any socks or shoes. He's worked eleven hour days all week and must be exhausted. He's also getting used to his braces, which he got Monday. He's being brave, but is in a lot of pain right now. He says he can stand the pain on his teeth, but the way they rip up his inner lips is what makes him want to get them off already.

My other angel is whining because he can never decide if he wants in or out of the house. He's out right now and I'm going to sleep soon, so he'll have to just whine. Maybe it will be warm enough to walk him tomorrow.

Our attorney here finally contacted the attorneys in Uganda. That's it, however. Just an initial contact so far. No progress on getting custody yet.

I finished that Pinker Paper last weekend, but even without my professor's feedback, which I'm dreading, I think there are many things that I want to get in and fix.

I do so much of my school work on the computer these days. I grade papers, give students feedback, set up assignments, etc. etc. I'm glad I got to be part of the eMINTS grant.

saturday Morning is green

There's this poetry book that gives all the days of the week particular colors. I think Sat. moring feels green, but just this very second i looked out the window and was delightfully surprised to see sugar shaking powerdery snow dusting my grass and continuing to shake out of the sky. I still feel green, which is a lively, happy color for me, though, because I'm inside my warm house with my sweet dog, writing, writing, writing.

Duncan is a sweet guy, but has recently taken to chewing up the remote control. I've finally figured out an effective response to that behavior by taking kitchen towels and whipping them, very hard, on the counter top and couch. This scares him so bad that he has started treating me more like the alpha bitch that I am. I never hit him, but he does this submissive walk and pose as if I do. He can be such a wimp for such a huge guy.

All my emotions about the adoption process feel pushed out of my mind. I'm too busy with school and my masters class to think about it very often. Plus---it's not really possible to sustain such emotional intensity for a long period of time. Excitement and fear can't be a normal state of emotional being. However---I've been comforted by some strong signals that my feelings are still pretty raw, as i think they ought to be, albeit somewhat subdued. Twice recently, once while watching Step Mom and once while watching Sam I Am, I turned into a big fat cry baby, which I rarely do during movies and certainly didn't do the first time i watched these two films. The themes of dieing and separated parents, and just parenting and child love in general pricked those raw emotions and it was very cathartic to cry and cry. I hope my girls come soon.